The alcoholic shame

Well I've opened up a bottle
just hit the throttle
now lets go,

Im broke
Im dead
Im a crazy one
Im love
Im still crazy
Im sober
Im angry
and still crazy

I guess I was born this way
I guess this is just the way it is
founding women
found problems
looking at me through the bottom of a bottle
don't you get it?

I warn people all the time
don't fall of the wagon!
don't listen to that voice in your head!
these demons are dangerous!
but what do I know?
keep doing what your doing
so far, so good
it's pushed me away thus far
but keep going
and see what happens

One day I dream
I awake and all is good
I awake and everyone's clean
now that Im clean are you still attracted?
doubt it, looking at me with hazy eye's
stepping into the dizziness and loneliness
just sit there and stare

Fuck it, you don't care?
so why should I
you would hate me if I did
that's how it works
I get to sit and watch
taring things so close apart
and my question is always the same,
why?

In my dream I stand among the sane
everyone's happy and dry
Im with loved one's who won't choose the poison
over the one's they love

So just keep up your antics
although I feel bad I still hate it
can't come with you
because you won't stop
just like everyone else
maybe I should move on
attract a sober human being-
but that sucks,
I wanted so bad to be with you
but you so bad want to be with poison
so drink yourself stupid
kill yourself
fuck yourself
whatever yourself
it makes me angry you don't even try

Let's keep going,
I know a genuis
but where is he?
he won't play
he won't baby sit
he won't stay home
he won't stay clean
drinks from the nipple of the poison
just keep killing yourself
you've burned your musical bridges
you've shown your son your ass
so he can grow up and hate you
but again, fuck it
kill yourself like everyone else does
sipping the nipple of the poison bottle.

Please Capricorn God

Please Capricorn God,
don't end a child.
Please again Capricorn God,
don't end a child.
I beg the Capricorn God.


The alcoholics have killed me,
from the time I lay asleep
in my mothers arms on the side of the street
with the officer asking,
why are you passed out
with a child in your arms?

The alcoholics have killed me,
taking me to the ends of the earth
half way across the United States
to leave me alone on my own
to fend for myself
to find out who is who
and who owns me as a father
at the lonely age of eight or so.

The alcoholics have killed me,
showing up to take command
after being vacant on my land,
to push and pull with no maturity
to take my pain to the ends of the earth
to fight over a boy like a doll or toy
to justify actions like you were entitled to a boy.

The alcoholics have killed me,
to have not heard from you in months
to not know what has happened to our family
to stay with elders and listen to them bicker and argue
to point fingers with blame and sorrow
releasing a complete lack of confidence instilled in me.

The alcoholics have killed me,
refuse the temptation to clean yourself up
choosing the poison over the loved ones
destroying everything in their path
including a future with my dad
or forgetting the horrors of my youth.

Please Capricorn God,
don't end a child
We are the Gods of this earth,
don't end a child
We are the only source of love,
we are the only God to answer to,
please Capricorn God,
don't end the children.